An ENBY Cinderella Tale by a Gender Fluid Fae: Can it get any better? Happy Pride!!!!
Cinderella rolled over and opened their eyes. Which is to say, they unglued their eyes a crack to see what damage those damn Disney mice had done this time. They immediately closed their eyes again. The mice had eaten the T-shirt their step-siblings had given them in some complete misunderstanding of that TERF JK Rowling and house elves. It was hanging by one thin green thread from a rung of the old wooden chair in the corner.
“Fucking Dobby got free when you gave him clothes you idiots!” Cinderella screamed as they had every day for the last week.
Their step siblings had given them the T-shirt last Sunday. It was now Friday.
They swung one wiry leg out of bed followed by the other. Apparently, they’d be wearing boxer shorts all day, since they could steal them from an endless supply in their dead parent’s trunk. Other clothes? Their begowned and jeweled stepparent would start screaming, “We don’t have money for luxuries!”
Cinderella crept down the stairs from the attic, placing one thin bare foot carefully on the least creaky spots. Maybe they’d be able to steal some decent food if it was early enough and no one was awake.
But no. Their step siblings were in the hallway, screaming about some royal asshole or another.
“Fucking entitled stand ups with penises,” Cinderella muttered.
The siblings stopped. Turned their made up faces toward Cinderella–Cinderella swore they slept in the stuff–and demanded that Cinderella design them stand out evening wear so they could marry dancing princes.
“Oh, my fucking God,” Cinderella swore.
They stomped down to the kitchen, opened the double door refrigerator, and pulled out every gluten free carb, nut butter and fruit they could find. On designer days, the siblings would defend Cinderella’s right to eat because otherwise they couldn’t sew straight.
Outside some town crier was singing about glass slippers. Apparently, they’d come off the most beautiful person in the land the night before, ruining the usual fairy tale’s order (probably because some nonconformist is writing the thing).
“Glass slippers? You could stab your foot to fucking death in those,” Cinderella yelled. “I wouldn’t put one on if you paid me a million dollars!” They thought for a moment. “Two million, though, I would consider.”
“Who sweareth so beautifully in yonder window,” the royal asshole in question said, riding up in a Lamborghini, horses being in short supply.
“Go fuck yourself,” Cinderella said, shutting the door in their face.
“You are my soulmate,” the royal asshole cried in desperation. “Stella……”
Cinderella opened the door again. “Prove it,” they said.
The royal asshole thought and thought. “You can have the car,” they said finally. “And the rip off imitation glass slippers with diamonds in the trunk. And the case of THC gummies which are legal in Massachusetts.”
“Fucking done,” Cinderella said. “Get out of the car.”
Which said royal asshole did.
This is how an ENBY Cinderella gets a life without making any promises at all.
With much love to anyone who read this far. And to the most beautiful faery godparent of them all–I love you Billy!
PS–As for me, though I am fae, I will not be your faery godparent unless you ask my consent and I say yes.
pps-I’ll probably say no. Parent-child is not a reciprocal relationship in the way that friends are and I don’t want the responsibility, given that I now have a new Lamborghini and a lot of shit to sell.
ppps-Which will not stop me from doing kind things for you. Swearing the entire time.
"Fucking entitled stand ups with penises,..." Yeah, I'm one of those. This really made me laugh!